when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
