that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We had to coat check the pizza.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
