textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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