I want to make a zoo with you.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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