i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
