I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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