is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
