: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
