Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
