He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
