My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
