dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
