If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
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