I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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