He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
