If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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