I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
