did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
