gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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