Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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