i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
