Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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