hotel room ftw
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
