I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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