Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm really busy with my period
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