I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
