my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
