JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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