margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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