But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
