someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
