He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
