You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
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Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
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He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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