You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Girls should come with a carfax report
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
