we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
