he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
