Soap is not a condiment
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
