I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If I die, sorry about rent.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
