gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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