nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
