your thong is hanging out like whoa
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
