life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
