I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
too bad you live with your parents still
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
