I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
