She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
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We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
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Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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