He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
