I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
