im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
