what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
