it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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