there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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