she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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