So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
