Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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