garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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