Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
