he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
