You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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